Speed Dating- I Would Rather Floss My Teeth with Barbed Wire

The night hadn’t even started and I was ready to call it a bust.

I hate it when I’m right.

Of course it didn’t help that the evening started late because some of the guys decided not to show.

I wish I was smart enough not to have shown up.

There were five guys and 10 women. Really? They should have just canceled. I would have been fine with that considering my reservations going into the whole thing. I even missed the premiere of a friend’s movie because I had already committed to this. And if it hadn’t gone late, I might have made it to the after-party. @#$$$@!!

What sucked even more was that my friend and I weren’t even sitting next to each other so we had no one to talk to during our non-dates. After a while it didn’t matter because the left-alones started to hang out and actually had more fun. If only I liked girls that way. I met some nice women and some of us might hang- oh, the irony.

We had signed up for a night where the guys were to be over six feet. It wasn’t the height that figured into this selection but this group’s age range for the women- so my friend and I could be there for moral support. Two guys might have cleared that height but the others weren’t even close. It’s not that it matters but what else were these guys lying about omitting?

The obvious one is age. I think the top end of the age range was 46 for guys. There was NO WAY a couple of them were even close to being on the right side of the upper limit. And if I am wrong, they were OLD 46s. Age is just a number but if you don’t belong in this range (which are, admittedly, frustratingly arbitrary) what else are you stretching the limit on?

I was told (and this is unconfirmed) that the one guy who was slightly attractive was a ringer. He was allegedly asked to attend because there were not enough men. Interestingly enough, I had the most difficult time having a conversation with him- at least the other guys loved to talk about themselves. I am shy by nature but I managed to get through this so I guess there is that.

I feel SO bad that I even suggested this to my friend but I am relieved more of my friends did not sign up for this.

One of the more hysterical things I was told by two different women was “this is worse than usual.” Not exactly a resounding endorsement. It’s not just me right? The phrasing is kind of awesome in its almost celebration/acceptance of mediocrity.

I am glad I did not pay full price for this- even then it was too much. Some of the women wanted to email the company who put this on and ask for a do-over. Really? I want a refund. I was told by a few of the attendees that there  is a larger event that might be better.

Could it really be worse?

Actually, it could. My friend and I made our way to Starbucks afterwards where two random (slightly scary/bizarre) guys would not leave us alone- asking us if we were fighting (wha???). His friend apparently liked to push him into obstacles as they walked down the street…. Okay. The barista came to us afterwards to say she was ready to step in but thought we looked like we could handle ourselves. Good to know there is a lifeline for next time.

Our expectations were very low but this was worse than I expected.

And to think we agonized over what to wear tonight. (Eye roll.)

I want to laugh and cry- a Buddhist nunnery is looking very attractive right now.

If nothing else, at least I will have funny stories- ones that I can’t share online and some that can only be pantomimed for full effect- I get enough hate mail already and I don’t need to be sued.

We’ll just leave it at that, for now.


~ by angryegg on March 31, 2012.

2 Responses to “Speed Dating- I Would Rather Floss My Teeth with Barbed Wire”

  1. Haha. “This is worse than usual”. Sounds promising! I swear I’ve gone on a few dates just for some good blog material 🙂 Great post

  2. Glad you enjoyed. It was a “you never know” and now I do. I hate to say never again but this is as close to never as I am going to get without being emphatic and risk looking like an idiot on the off chance I change my mind! What is a single woman to do???

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