A Near Six Year Sentence

In 30 days, I will have been employed by this company for six years.

Holy crap!

I knew this ignominious distinction was coming up but it only hit me now how fast it was approaching.

Am I being melodramatic?

I initially turned down a full-time position but relented when a three month contract came up. I didn’t want to be trapped but I figured I had nothing to lose with a defined end date.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha….

Famous last thoughts.

I know what kind of person I am. I tend to stay too long in work situations, relationships etc.

Why?

Fear, loyalty, the illusion of security, resistance to change and everything in between and/or all the above.

I have had stick-with-it-itis drilled into me. I only seem to go against this tendency rashly- to my peril.

This is also compounded by the lesson to put my head down (don’t make waves) and be humble- people will recognize hard work and your accomplishments and will reward you accordingly.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha….

As the oldest child, I soaked up the teachings of my well-meaning parents.

I am such a dummy.

So now, six years later, I’m still here on a quasi-contract basis- full-time with benefits and a defined end date. It has been extended twice but I am seriously thinking of running when this latest extension ends.

I don’t want to be stupid because this is the most I have ever earned and this allows me to accelerate my plans to set myself up for the future. I also don’t want to chuck all the good will I have built up and all the contacts I have made in this industry.

The future is important but the present is where I live.

The job hasn’t been fulfilling for a long time and with the exodus of my former supervisor, all hope for advancement and growth evaporated. But more importantly, the shift in balance of great people in favour of back-stabbing b**ches has made my life increasingly untenable. (It only takes one.)

But rash Hamlet-esque decisions aside, what are my options?

The state of the worldwide economy and the gloom and doom of job numbers reports have lead to a sort of paralysis on my part. The ideal situation is to have a job you love. The alternative is a job that pays the bills- where one’s life is lived after 9-5.

Is this a case where I suck it up and ride the not quite gravy train? If I were making six-figures (not even close) or 25K less, my decision would be easier.

My mother would advise me to stay as long as they will have me and my sister would tell me to take a leap of faith and trust that I will land on my feet.

I know I will land on my feet but will I like where I end up?

There has to be a middle ground but maybe I should figure out where I want to end up first.

I have 16 weeks to figure it out.

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~ by angryegg on November 9, 2011.

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