Taking the Next Step on the Road to Motherhood

It all began with a decision made when my almost nine year relationship with the guy I thought was “the one” (stupid, stupid me) imploded last July.

Almost immediately, between bouts of feeling sorry for myself, sobbing hysterically, hating him and hating myself, I decided I was going to have children on my own.

Well, try to, at least.

I officially made now or never, do or die “Commitment” today and will go the IVF “my ass is going to be broke” route to parenthood.

It took only seven months to get to this point.

I was lucky actually. My first appointment was slated to be early December- it took a couple days for me to stop hyperventilating because it seemed so far away- but two cancelations later, I went for my first appointment in October. It took about six weeks from my referral to the clinic (end of August) to get in- practically record time from what little I have read about the whole process.

After one failed attempt at IUI, a breather for a small procedure to make sure my uterus is as “friendly” as possible, a brief interlude in Mexico for a friend’s wedding and a hefty dose of vitamin D, I told Dr. H the IVF route feels “right” for me.

I’m 41, turning 42. I don’t have time to f@ck around. It feels like it is now or never.

I am cautiously optimistic. Some of my closest friends know I have committed to the single parent thing but they don’t know I have made the big leap forward and going all in.

I guess they will know if they read this.

One “try” is going to cost me about $15000- thankfully I got a raise after being sacked and rehired last year and I am pretty good with money- since I am not doing this the “old-fashioned” way.

Unfortunately, the powers that be changed our benefits plan this past fall and fertility drugs are no longer covered- which would seem a little incongruous since I work for a company that produces programming for kids.

All of these costs are tax deductable- which is something.

I have purposely stayed away from the avalanche of information on the internet- I find it way too depressing and somewhat contradictory. I’ll email the IVF nurse if I have any questions- that’s what the admin fee is for, right?

It is both a relief and more than a little daunting to have decided on the next step. I didn’t want to do my usual and pull a Hamlet by over thinking things.

We are all at the mercy of nature- even with the big assist from technology.  Life still goes on, of course, and there are more than enough things to deal with while I wait for this slightly surreal process to come together.

Yoga and meditation might be good things to pick up right now….


~ by angryegg on February 28, 2011.

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