Sad Reminder

I received a Facebook friend request from someone I haven’t seen or heard from in decades but I confirmed the request and he sent me a message that made me cry.

It has been a year and six weeks since my dad passed.

There are cards I still can’t bring myself to read without weeping.

He had only recently heard about dad and wanted to convey his condolences.

He used to work at my parents’ restaurant. I remember him as this tall, skinny, soft spoken, leather jacket wearing rocker dude. Nice guy.

I couldn’t bring myself to reply- maybe I’ll do that tonight. I’ll forward the message to my sister and my brothers and tell mom. She’ll cry for sure- which will likely set me off again.

I feel like I should be handling this better. I have my good days and my not so good days. The weirdest things will set me off and once the first tear drops I’m sunk.

And I can’t stop.

I spoke to a counselor recently and she mentioned how feeling of grief can arise when going through the process of trying to have a baby. That it can take five years to work through those issues.

That made me feel a little better as I sat on her couch balling.

I don’t become a blubbering mess every time dad is mentioned but that is almost harder because I don’t know how I am going to react.

I have been putting off forwarding this message and replying. I think I’ll make sure I’m at home with no plans to leave the house- just in case.

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~ by angryegg on November 10, 2010.

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