Weekend to Wallow

I had every intention of going into work this weekend but the last three weeks have been rough. I canceled dinner with a friend and decided the weather was not conducive to Shakespeare in Philosopher’s Walk, mainly because I just didn’t want to be around people.

My life was recently upended- a near nine-year relationship imploded and I was left with boxes to pack and sticky note reminders of things to consider when researching fertility options for single women.

Have I come to terms with it? No.

It will be three weeks tomorrow- I think I can allow the self-pity to fester a little longer. I’m not an idiot, it won’t disappear with a wish. Some days will be better, some worse.

I thought I was okay Saturday morning until a good friend called. He asked if I wanted to talk and I started to blubber. I’m not a pretty crier- I start hyperventilating very quickly and my eyes look like they have been stung by bees.

It has almost been easier to tell strangers than good friends. The sad sympathetic looks are usually enough to set me off- email is easier.

By staying in (literally not leaving the house except to hang some laundry in the backyard) I managed to finish one novel (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls, highly recommended if you are looking for a quick, funny read- or maybe I liked that Elizabeth Bennet’s two suitors die or are near death at the end to the novel), about a third of The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory (completely absorbing), read a good chunk of The New York Times online, saw the Dr. Who season finale (twice), the live after show and the Dr. Who Christmas special with Kylie Minogue (yay, missed it when it first aired on CBC), listened to a lot of sad music, and watched a lot of bad t.v. interspersed with naps and played really cheesy online games.

All in all a pretty productive weekend, I think. I need alone time to reboot and steel myself for the week to come.

I have been peppered with invitations to go out, do stuff- ruining my Pity Party for One. Friends want to give me space but not too much.

I’ll be okay, just not right away. I screwed up my life over the last boy who hurt me and I am not about to do that again.

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~ by angryegg on July 26, 2010.

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