Mini-Mid-Life Crisis or What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up

This is not the first one I’ve had and it won’t be the last but there is something different about one that sneaks up on you when you hit a certain age.

We all try to tell ourselves that X is the new “whatever” but the biological reality is that some doors close and others (hopefully) open.When I shine the light on everything that has happened in the last year, I just want to close my eyes and go to bed- for a few months.

The crap year doesn’t even start with my 40th- it starts two weeks later with my Dad’s passing, then getting laid off, getting dumped, having to be the de facto head of the family, dealing with the pressures of day to day life and the consequences of decisions delayed.

The life we make for ourselves, whether by our design or the whims of others (if we choose not to make the decisions we should), is ours.

I just never thought it would look like this. When all aspects of your life have been cast asunder (except my finances, though it is long overdue that I take some calculated risks), what do you do?

I don’t have time for regrets. I only have time for a little reflection and immediate action. I may have more than half my life left to live but there are some things for which there is a narrow window.

And so I find myself contemplating things I never thought I would be. But what options do I have at this point?

A career, a business, will wait. Writing, art, going back to school, it can all take a back seat for now. Boys, there are always boys.

Considering the options open to me right now, when the hell did my life become a set-up for a romcom?

I want to be a Mom.

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~ by angryegg on July 18, 2010.

One Response to “Mini-Mid-Life Crisis or What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up”

  1. *sigh* Great post ***** – funny enough I find myself in the same boat having the same thoughts! I wonder how many more like us there actually are out there.

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