Mini-Mid-life Crisis in Action

I have played my financial cards fairly conservatively and I tell myself the last thing I need to be concerned about is money but you can’t help but worry when you hear stories about people who have been out of work for years (plural) and not by choice.

Sure, you may say to yourself that this is more likely to happen in the States (given the wreck that is their economy) or these people may be too selective or insert one among the endless number of possible variables that can come into play.

The bottom line is you never know.

I am not proud. I would work for minimum wage flipping burgers if I absolutely had to and I am young looking enough that ageism should not be a factor, yet.

Besides, there is a hefty loan that will be repaid in the next few months (or there will be bloodletting), another loan that I can call in and brothers I can guilt into treating me to dinner occasionally because of all the things I have done for them in the past so will really want for nothing in the short-term.

Beyond the façade of bravado I may put up, my “take it or leave it” attitude about work, I worry about my need to “accomplish” something- to make a difference. The “something” is a moving target, of course, but I feel like the current crisis at work is forcing me to re-exam what I want to do with my life. As much as I have resisted, I feel like a part of my identity is tied to this job.

Hello mini-mid-life crisis.

I have effectively taken a few big steps backward. I am NOT my job title.

I am NOT my job title.

I need to stickie this message all over the place so I don’t forget.

Is the possibility of being axed going to be the impetus for me to break out and try something new, re-invent myself (again), if you will?

I hope so.

I was talking with someone yesterday. She asked me what I was doing in anticipation of the cuts that are to be announced in less than three days.

I told her I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life- or at least for the next few months or year- with an eye to bigger long-term goals.

She was relieved I said that because everyone around her in production is scrambling. People have been telling me to do the same but I don’t want to rush myself into another situation like this- not when I don’t love what I am doing and the only reason I can get out of bed lately is my loyalty to my co-workers.

I have a history of doing a 180 at fairly regular intervals and starting at the bottom in completely unrelated fields. I’ve been able to get away with “flitting” around because I haven’t had to worry about the size of my paycheque. But now that I am 40, there has been a discernable shift in my thinking.

There really shouldn’t be but societal expectations seem to have wormed their way into my head and I can’t seem to extricate them.

Well, there are only about 68.5 hours to go- depending on when we get the summons.

It can’t come soon enough.


~ by angryegg on March 9, 2010.

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