I Am SO Naïve and Stupid

I was going over some back-up requested by the auditor, making sure it jived with what was outlined in the final cost report, and I discovered something I shouldn’t have.

I even asked if I should be looking at these before access was given and he said it was fine.

But what I saw was like a big (mark inducing) slap in the face.

The person I trained, the person I supervised, had been making more than me for over a year. It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it- she really should be making more- but the fact that I deal with the problems she cannot resolve, oversee her work and I make less????

I am humiliated.

It’s not like the difference was huge. After taxes, deductions etc, with the difference each pay period, she would have been able to buy a party-size three topping pizza with extra cheese, a two litre bottle of pop and some cheesey bread.

 But it is not about the specific dollar amount. It is about principle.

Well, it looks like principles are a rare and valueless commodity these days.

But why was I surprised by this discovery?

Am I really that naïve?

Apparently the answer to that is yes.

It’s not like this is the first time something like this has happened. A few years ago, someone was hired to help me deal with cost reporting and the AP so I could assist with tax credits but she could not handle the workload and I ended up doing half of her job and mine. Because she was studying for her CA, she would have made at least 25% more than me- even though (again) I was training and supervising her. And then she only lasted about six months because the pressure was too much and she was worried about her pregnancy. At least she had her priorities straight.

If I had any doubt about wanting to be one of those being cut loose, they are now gone. Completely.

At this point, if I were unfortunate enough to be among those who stayed, I think I would cry.

If I choose to build a career in this field, I could make a lot more elsewhere but I don’t know if I want to stay in the world of tax credits. I would rather make minimum wage doing something completely different. I have worked for minimum wage on many occasions and would do so again in a heartbeat if I had the opportunity to learn something, to do something creative.

I have a lot more thinking to do because I need to get my priorities straight and each second that passes, it gets easier and easier to disengage- and that is a good thing.

I don’t want to screw anyone but my ultimate responsibility is to myself. I need to remember that the next time I feel guilty about not putting in extra hours to get another cost report ready for audit…. Like now.

Yes, please slap me.



~ by angryegg on March 2, 2010.

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