At What Point Do You Say Enough is Enough

My ongoing trials and tribulations at the office must be a complete bore.

I would encourage you to run screaming in the opposite direction so that your rosy view of the world at large is not unduly tainted.

Recently there have been many articles on the folly of venting about work on one’s blog or social networking page but I am throwing caution to the wind (again). I wonder if I am just more aware of the consequences because I have already written about my frustrations at work- so these articles are now jumping out at me.

Does that make sense?

I may regret it later but later is later and now, I need to vent.

Am I tempting fate? Yes.

Do I secretly (no so secretly) wish to be fired? Maybe.

What am I going to do about it? For now, stew.

Some would argue that at least I had a job. But I am spinning my wheels, stuck in administrative hell. I knew going in that paper pushing would be a major part of my day and I was fine with that given what I thought would be the potential gain. In three and a half years, that has not panned out.

Working hard didn’t cut it. Working smart doesn’t seem to be cutting it either.

I had more carrots dangled in front of me recently but these carrots seem to have disappeared- again. I keep falling for the dangle and that makes me the fool.

I have cultivated relationships and acquired a certain amount of knowledge that helps me do my efficiently but somehow I don’t get the credit for having done so.

 Watching others be rewarded (raises, promotions) for doing nothing and getting away with outrageous liberties is completely demoralizing. You don’t think it could possibly get worse and then it does. Un-freakin’-believable! Do people not realize the damage that is done when certain individuals get a free pass on everything? People aren’t stupid. We all notice. Everything.

Someone commented to me the other day that moral seems to be at an all-time low. Gee, you think?  

Maybe this is just fate/destiny giving me a kick in the butt to get me moving again….

I have read the psycho-babble mumbo jumbo about happiness being a choice. That one’s perception of life is the determining factor. If I could come to work, put my head down and just plow through the day, that would be one thing. I could save my brain power for more meaningful things.

But I can’t. The ridiculousness is overwhelming. Suffocating. Maybe I should make use of all those vacation days I accumulated because there was just too much to do to take the time off. And yes, I realize that a lot of this is my doing, misplaced loyalties and all.

How stupid am I???

After many years of freelance and creative, low paying, educational pursuits, I gave working for someone else full-time a three and a half year “try”- but I think the clock is winding down on this experiment.

My portfolio is down so this is not as easy a decision as it would have been a year and a half ago. My cushion is not a cushy as it once was and the fact that my boyfriend is still going to work with the threat of an axe adds an extra layer of excitement. I adore some of my colleagues and I will miss them but I have to start taking the steps necessary to extricate myself from an unhealthy situation.

As cynical glass-half-empty as I may be, I know I am in an advantageous position compared to a lot of other people who may also be stuck.

It will likely not happen right away. The soul-sucking will continue for a little while longer but hopefully it will slow to a trickle.

I need to drag my sorry @ss out of complicity, stop the rot, focus on my options, put a plan in place and get on with it.


~ by angryegg on May 13, 2009.

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