Blast from the Past

The other day I received a comment from an old not quite boyfriend from high school that I have lost touch with.


It completely freaked me out!


I have always considered myself to be a “fly under the radar” kind of person. I couldn’t figure out how he could have come across my blog and then I realized that I made one fleeting reference to it on my neglected Facebook page- not thinking that anyone would have noticed.


I didn’t start this blog thinking that anyone would really find it (that I check to see how many views the page gets is beside the point). This has really been more a means for me to keep sane- an outlet for me to vent and save my relationship with my boyfriend, friends and family.


Knowing that once something is in cyberspace, it is out there forever, has kept things somewhat “sanitized.” The fact that the page gets any hits at all is a little shocking- and exciting. I haven’t received any hate mail so obviously it is not widely read….


This blog was also a declaration to myself that I am not a total fuddy duddy who couldn’t add some new tricks to her arsenal. I resisted Facebook for a long time- I really did not need another online time-sucker but I relented this summer. I lost many days to Facebook but I am (thankfully) no longer a slave to it. What shocked me was connecting- even on a very superficial level- with people I literally had not seen or spoken with in (some cases) over 20 years. Some people haven’t changed a bit and others look WAY older! Made me wonder if I had aged as significantly and was just deluding myself that I did not look my age…


I was never one of the popular kids- never belonged to a clique. I was active in sports and other activities but always outside that circle of belonging. I couldn’t wait to finish high school and get myself out of the small town I grew up in and then I realized university was just high school on steroids.


So disappointing.


I am not naturally outgoing and somewhat awkward socially. Of course it didn’t help that I have a younger much shinier sister who makes friends falling out of bed.


I felt so isolated in high school. As a self-centre teenager (as all teenagers are), I thought I was the only one going through this and that no one else could possibly understand what I was feeling. The Smiths were all the company I could find and all the company I needed.


Things didn’t make sense until a very kind guidance counselor slipped me a book to read Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. This book introduced me to Myers-Briggs personality typing.


It was like the proverbial ray of light.


For the record, I am an INTJ. Most people find it surprising that I am introverted- what they don’t understand is that I try (not always succeeding) to present the sunniest most outgoing side of me (remembering, of course, this is all relative). The most effective way to explain introversion is to relate it to how one draws energy- forgive the seemingly hippy-dippy explanation. Are you energized in a crowd or do you recharge your batteries with individual pursuits?


I am the latter- and there are fewer of “us” around.


The point is I don’t collect friends. I have a few close friends who live in far flung places that I rarely see but when we get together- it is as if no time has passed.


So when someone from my past makes contact- it is startling, but in a good way. Attention (good or bad) has never been my modus operandi- though some would argue that running for high school class president (and losing to someone who ended up dropping out of school- only slightly humiliating) and writing this blog would seem to contradict this but I like to think there is more than one or two facets to my personality-and you will notice that my name is not the title of this blog and my visage is not front and centre (god forbid!).


Well Ferg, if you read this, thank you for your kind and sympathetic thoughts and I hope you and yours had a fantastic Christmas and I would like to extend many wishes for a joyous year ahead.


~ by angryegg on December 30, 2008.

One Response to “Blast from the Past”

  1. .. and you, too — sorry for the scare! You hit the nail on the head with FB, hope you don’t mind. All the very best to you for 2009! ~ M.

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